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Below are the 6 most recent journal entries.

	2006.11.23  07.00 bruised? im sick of it at all. im sick of the falls. the bruises. the black eyes. the hiding. the idiot friends of mine. that stupid fucking whores . im ready to loose it . either i get hurt or someone but in the end it wont be good. hit me again fucker and see what happens. sometimes i wonder am i better off _______? Mood: irritated

	2006.08.09  18.17 bleck so stressed. need a job. i got so nervous last night and then people think im on blow ha fuck it im going into hiding for awhile

	2006.02.23  01.49 two weeks = NEW HOUSE no more shit in my life. just late night bike rides. bestfriends problems and answers. no more parents and no more so called family. i am in control of my life now and no one else can take the wheel. this weekend was fun getting drunk drea bieng drea val elaine and i having a fucking blast . even with little shit getting in our way WHAT THE FUCK WHO INVITED YOU? no one. i love these girls to deathpretttty rad loving life what a change yumm

	2006.02.23  01.39 she went to a school to only learn he was THE sin of tragedy and she left him there in all his sorrow all she could feel was remorse she left that school feeling hate and arrive fresh and new to find out he hated her which meant they hated her since when do we think for ourselves growing up media tells us what to believe religion tells us what is considered a sin and popularity is like a maryter we do what we have to despite other people all for popularity and she wonders if she had stuck with him if things would be different if her wrists filled with scars from blades too touchable would be smooth and radiant would she have ever tried to kill herself because who can love themselves when people call them ugly instead of there name when growing she watched him destroy himself she watched him fall apart at the death of a brother she would reach her hand out but he would push her down any man shes ever trusted practically killed her she wonders if they were still friends what would that have changed? mmm childhood memories ill finish later Mood: awake

	2006.01.09  02.22 family hurts more then breaking up with a love of your life i want some family that will love me i have to pay rent to live at home i found out which is fuckin lame i said i will just leave i just want my things they said nope not even the things i bought or my friends had given to me well no kaydee legally we own everything of yours legally we can make you pay rent legally YOURE FUCKED ya good conversation so i left with the things that i was wearing my camera they took from me i have NOTHING a sweatshirt a jacket a shirt and pants wow amazing right? the passion i have and long for is gone im broke but i think i have an interview for a job i want someone to talk to me a specific person im moving soon and im hyped as in i talk about it everyday but knowing my luck something will go wrong and ill be stuck here in hell which then ill just fuckin end it because i have nothing here for me at all i have my favorite venue that im not allowed at because of an ex of mine my house that i hang out with, with the few friends i have im not allowed at because they stole shit from me and wont give it back thus theyre scared so they just wont let me there my mother and father hate me and i miss my sisters i would stay at home if i didnt have to pay and abide by there rules which would mean be there bitch slave i feel like a complete fool there unwanted an annoyonce upon them its a vibe i get really when i visit its get off my computer get off my coach have fun in MY BED just simple things like that drive me nuts yes im 16 mom yes mom love me like a child yes mom i am yours yes my father is dead mom so why arent you there for me dear mom i hate you please hand me a razor slit my wrist and throat kill me already love kaydee thats pretty much home the only reason i seem so sad in this i talked to my mother today to find out i get nothing of my things and it makes me feel shitty im deteremined though ill get it back somehow i need it my camera at least my hoodie my friend gave me the dress my grandmother bought me my lip rings i bought the dresses ive searched for and found and bought my cowboy boots I BOUGHT just ugg im going to cry if i keep going i want a family someone find me one Mood: crushed

	2006.01.02  03.15 life of a girl life is full of complex problems from bieng used to wanting death and its never ending you have your happy moments and they last for a life time well in songs they do right but in reality there lost the moment they end friends come and go and happiness floats away like a child letting go of a balloon in a parking lot you always want someone to know everything about you and for them to understand it completely but then youre such a fucked up situation they're scared away in a split second you go from shy to bieng the tough ass of the state from getting beat up to beating ass i wonder which way is the holsome way to go then you have your addictiong whether its buying things to fill your arms with to throwing up the dinner your mother made you to slicing every bit of flesh youre born with we all have our problems but look done on everyone else's close minded love life and the ignorant know nothing the caring wish to die and the hatefull beat your face in thinking who am i the doubtfull gain nothing in life and its neverending the hopeless martyr i suppose is always the right way to go slow and easy or long and painfull only i would know or the theres a memory haunting you but you cant remember its exactness and its so important to you you wonder if it ever really happened or if you made the thought in your head and dreams played with reality but youll never know society say doctors help i believe they make it worse your soul searches for happines and kills it self in the middle peace is deprived from my daily thoughts im tired and going to bed this is a terrible mess of a writting job ive done but its all well Mood: awake Music: fevors and mirrors-bright eyes